I'm Back. Kinda.

Hello there!

I've been gone a long time. I know some people who have been disappointed that I stopped writing for a while. Others probably didn't even notice. I'm a little of both, to be honest. I'm disappointed in myself for letting my writing go away, but my time has been filled up with other stuff so at times I just really didn't notice that I wasn't writing.

The beginning of the slow down can be placed squarely at the feet of my aborted attempt at a job here. While it was exhilerating,  it was also exhausting. It filled my mind even when I wasn't working. It was a great experience, but it is equally great to be finished with it. More on that when I have absolutely nothing else to share.

It's easy once a thing has slowed down or stopped to simply refuse to pick it up again, and I guess I found myself in that frame of mind about writing here. Not lazy per se, but definitely also not brimming with enthusiasm for writing.

I have found that since moving to the countryside I feel less compelled to write. I know that sounds weird, but writing for me has often been a way to get my fears, anxieties, and questions out of my head and onto paper where I can make some sense of them. It's a stress reliever of sorts. Now that we live in the country I'm no longer suffocating in the energy of thousands of strangers. There are no bars on our windows. We have privacy. I have completely buried myself for this year and a half in my solitude. My batteries are recharged. It's time for me to reach out again.

I had also found myself writing through a few extra filters at the end, worried that I would offend my dear friends who just happen to be Italian when I write about the insanity of beaurocracy here, or the male dominated culture of cycling, or the regular snubbing I used to receive everywhere. To be clear, all of those things still exist....I'm not writing again because the Italian government has streamlined, women are respected and plentiful on the roads, and everyone wants to be my friend.

I still have a story to tell. Even if there's only one person (you know who you are) reading, it's worth writing down. Because truthfully my stories are less about others and more about the often ridiculous situations I manage to get myself into. I can laugh at myself and that helps me to move forward. Expect to hear about the pounds of blackberries I'll be picking and my inability to find jars right now, the joys of having a pool in the front yard, the bike rides and the friends I ride with.

It's good to be back.

Buying an Apple

As happens eventually with all things modern, for the last year my technology has faltered, aged, and eventually in some cases just quit working. In a move of complete brilliance I decided to replace my computer (which had died, or to be more precise, had been strangled by it's power cable) and my cell phone (the one with aspirations to be smart but, being Windows-based, couldn't summon up the will to actually be smart) at the same time.

I maintain that I need constant and careful supervision especially when things are going tough. I'd been in turns frustrated, angry or ballistic about my technology. It never worked when I wanted it to, much less when I actually needed it to. The phone took crappy pictures and I couldn't read an entire news article without being booted out to the start screen. I could only use the Beta version of Instagram and by the time I stopped using the phone, Facebook no longer let me see entire comments or post any myself. Phone calls required precise locations....and only those precise locations or I had no reception. My computer was slower than my phone (!) and the cord only worked in one position, one probably not recommended by the manufacturer, and was one step away from me holding the cord at a 30° angle from my body while sitting on the second cushion on the couch and holding my other hand towards the window (effectively stripping me of the power to type), unless it was raining in which case touching the cord at all was disaster regardless of where I was sitting or how many hands I waved in the air.

First we ordered my cell phone online from a big box store because they were clearancing out cell phones. I do love a great deal and we could go to the store to pick it up saving us even more money and the need to sit at home waiting for the delivery. (For those unfamiliar with the Italian post, if they can't deliver to you on the first day you have to go to the office specified on the ticket [not necessarily the one closest to your house] on the day and hour specified [not necessarily the next day nor when the office opens] and wait in line to get your package. It's not something you want to do on purpose.)

The next day we (my darling husband came for moral support and potential translation) took ourselves to the local Apple store to buy me an iPad. I'd done my research, knew exactly what I wanted so I couldn't get talked into random weird stuff and was ready to spend the money. Well, mostly ready to spend the money. It's a lot of money.

The staff were helpful and excited to get me into my first Apple product. I pointed to the things I wanted, the guy typed on his phone and ecco! my desired items were hand delivered to us by silently efficient gofers. And that wasn't even the most exciting part...now they sat me down to help me set up my new computer. All I'll say at this point is "THANK GOD". Me and easy apparently never, like ever, go together.

All went well with the first part: fingerprints, passwords, preferred language. My  computer worked! Next (and to judge from their attitudes not even something they needed to help me with because it really does the work itself) the pairing of my English keyboard to my iPad. And due to all the magnety things going on, attaching the keyboard is child's play. With a flourish the techie guy invited me to type things into my new computer with my snazzy new keyboard. Perhaps because I approached it with less flourish than it had been presented, the keyboard refused to work.

And this is where the simple purchase of a computer turns into something of a farce involving multiple associates and experts sporting serious looks (and often serious moustaches) under the curious gaze of other customers.

"It doesn't work?" Techie #1 asked, clearly surprised that I wasn't euphorically typing nonsense words into my new device. He frowned (overly dramatically it seemed to me) and pulled it toward him, madly searching for something in "settings"  that could explain why things weren't working smoothly. Thus began the long process of searching for answers and attempting a fix that always resulted in one minute of success to be quickly followed by failure and requiring me to re-enter my password.

The next hour+ found me entering my password over twenty times as they tried various hardware (trying keyboard with demo iPads to make sure it worked, and when it did swapping out iPads, which meant repeating the whole setup process) and software (updating it, which was really confusing as it came straight out of the box....how is it even possible to need an update before it leaves the store??!) Techies #2 & #3 were brought in to consult as the Spanish family across the table from us tried to cheer me up by asking about where I was from. Unfortunately they couldn't drown out the rather desperate, whispered consultation happening around my iPad. The floor manager had joined the three tech guys and anyone wearing an Apple shirt and not currently helping someone had gathered at a respectful distance to check out what was happening (while appearing to straighten cords or clean screens). A sigh in four parts brought me out of a daydream in which technology actually liked me, and Techie #1 slid the iPad towards me. "Try it now," he encouraged me with an aprehensive smile.

As I typed I could feel the tension slide off the Apple contingent surrounding my table. "It works!" was all I could say. Bystanders trickled off to their various posts and the Spanish family gave me a thumbs ups. After presenting me with a small gift for sticking with them through the difficulties the original salesman escorted me to the door and assured me that should I need any more help (and surely, his look implied, I wouldn't be back as all my problems had been solved) they were there for me. I hefted my backpack of Apple products and boxes over my shoulder and we left for home.

At home later that night I took out the iPad, hands shaking only slightly, and turned it on. That part worked perfectly. I wanted to quit there, you know, while I was ahead....but no. I went ahead and tried the keyboard. Holy cow! It worked! It was a Sunday evening miracle! I closed the cover, opened it up and tried the keyboard again. Holy cow! It didn't work!

Wait, what? I fiddled with it for another ten minutes, unable to get the keyboard to work again. I muttered to myself about the lunacy of an Apple product not being able to interface with another Apple product (that being the whole point of Apple....it works with it's own shit and not so much with anyone else's) while listlessly poking at the keyboard with one finger. Leif watched from a distance, oozing sympathy while being smart enough to stay silent. I calmly (at least in my head it was calmly) said "We WILL be going to the Apple store first thing tomorrow morning." Leif poured me a shot of whiskey. I accepted it.

The next day we walked into the Apple store as they opened. The floor manager recognized me and with a tentative smile asked how things were going. "It doesn't..." was as far as I got before his smile melted off his face and he exclaimed "But no! How is this possible? Come..." and led me to the same table I'd spent so much time at the day before. He tugged at the arm of an associate as we walked by, unleashing a stream of Italian I couldn't follow but was obviously the equivelant of "All hands on deck!" as he dropped what he was doing and followed us to the table, smiling bravely as he asked to see my iPad.

"Show me," he said. I set it up and showed him. He started with a thoughtful look. Asked permission to touch my computer and did whatever it is computer dudes do in "settings" and tried it. Looking a bit self-satisfied he typed some more. He started to spin it in my direction but stopped halfway around. With a frown he typed some more, then started to wiggle the keyboard around a bit. Typed. Wiggled. Typed. Frowned some more. Asked if he could try a few things....kind of a strange question as I came there specifically for them to try things....anythings.

He walked away with just the keyboard, an only slightly contained "Incredibile!" bursting from him. The manager slid next to him, reminding him that this is my first Apple product and it was their sworn duty to make me happy (said in Italian possibly in the hopes that I wouldn't understand what he was saying...) The techie returned quickly, assuring me that the keyboard seemed to work with the other iPads so perhaps it was the iPad itself. The manager, who had been hovering nearby, quickly told him that we'd already tried replacing the iPad so perhaps instead we should try a new keyboard. An English keyboard.

At this point Leif left to do some work as I had no idea how long it would take and I didn't care if my meltdown had to happen in English and rudimentary Italian. I felt up to the task if the occasion called for it. Tears transcend language.

The new keyboard fared no better than the original one. A brief moment of success before failure. New techies were recruited, I believe these would be the big guns, brought out only when something truly unusual were to happen. The words incredibile (incredible)and mai (never) were repeated often and by everyone. The Trenitalia guy setting up his new phone across the table from me sent me sympathetic looks and the occasional sardonic eyebrow lift. He wanted me to know we were kindred souls even if his set up was going smoothly. We had reached the point where highly trained techies who love a good problem were tethering (note the Computer Savvy Vocabulary) my iPad to various phones and computers while interfacing (again note the CSV) with help desks halfway around the world in a last ditch effort to make things work.

The Trenitalia guy took out a package of crackers and I cursed my short-sighted planning. I must have looked hungry because he offered me a cracker, not enthusiastically but possibly with the thought it could prevent me from going postal while he was still in the store. I refused. In hindsight, I probably should have taken the cracker. I don't function well when hungry and this was turning into a situation requiring me to be more functional than usual.

While I sat waiting and watching the techies doing their respective things, business as usual was happening all around us. People bought, set up and left with their new Apple products never knowing the drama unfolding around my iPad.

At one point the techie (number unknown) leaned over and with a small smile said "Look over there, we have a priest in the store. Should we ask him to bless your computer?" And then he immediately looked horrified and said "Oh no! I was only joking!" I'm not gonna lie.....it sounded like a great idea. It had as good a chance of working as any of the other things they were attempting. I bit back a snort/laugh and said that maybe, no, we shouldn't bother him on his day off. The techie (number unknown) looked confused and then concentrated on the computer again.

Not long after I refused divine intervention the manager came to me with a sad expression on his face. "We are unable to find a solution to make the English keyboard work with the iPad. Can you be happy with an Italian keyboard?" He waited expectantly while I thought. I had to think. Leif's old computer had an Italian keyboard and I spent an inordinate amount of time searching desparately for punctuation and shouting "Dammit!" as I pounded on the delete key. Some keys have three symbols and the one I want is nearly always used in tandem with something other than the shift key and there are extra vowels sporting fancy accents where my puctuation by rights ought to be. But I really, really didn't want to spend my life typing with two fingers on the screen of the iPad either. Hunger may have also been a factor. So I agreed. Reluctantly. And for my reluctance they gave me the keyboard for free.

Many people would call that a win-win situation. I got my iPad and a free if confusing keyboard. But I want a little bit more. I want to know how a product developed and made in the US can't interface with an English keyboard made by the same company even if it's sold in Italy. How is it even possible for something Apple to be incompatable with another something that is also Apple? I didn't buy some aftermarket off-brand keyboard off the sidewalk from an unlicensed vendor. I didn't download some third party app that would magically turn my keyboard English and plant some virus inside my computer. I bought products who are the very essence of compatability, in a city teeming with young Americans who don't buy anything that isn't Apple. How has this never occurred before?

I suppose I could binge watch Downton Abbey, Monty Python and Fawlty Towers, maybe even a little rugby on the iPad while eating fish and chips, possibly scones? and drinking Guiness and tea by the gallon in the hopes that the keyboard will begin to think it's English. But in my dream world, Apple learns of this fiasco and, horrified, sends me an English keyboard that works. And like $20 in the itunes store to blow on whatever strikes my fancy. Dream big I say.

Also, Apple should give those guys at the Florence store a bonus. They did everything they could to make me happy. It's not their fault I'm only mostly content rather than ecstatic.

PS: If you're wondering about my phone, it went much better than the iPad. My initial freak out when I discovered my sim card was too big to fit into the slot on the iPhone was eased when the lady at the phone store we use (I just didn't have the balls to go to the Apple store for help. I mean, damn, they'd totally recognize me and know I didn't buy it there) showed me how to make it smaller and set everything up so I could use it. There was a tense moment when she couldn't get the phone to connect to the wifi and I very nearly had a panic attack right there in the store because it wouldn't surprise me if I got the one bad phone out of the 5,000 shipped to that outlet. Luckily, she had a cooler head than me and went to plan B immediately, which worked and I walked out the door with a working phone in a language I could function in. It's a giant leap forward in technology so my learning curve still involves a lot of swearing and confusion but the phone itself works.

It's Questura time again

It’s been five years since Leif and I got married and the endless work of fulfilling the Italian lust for bureaucracy began winding down to its logical (but not necessarily logical, because you just never know with the Italian gov’t) conclusion. At the end of May the paperwork we spent months working for expires.

Well, that’s not technically true. If you’ll recall, when last we met over the topic of bureaucracy, the Questura, and my permission to stay in Italy I was ecstatic because instead of being granted a one or two year permission to stay I got a piece of paper that was good for five years. Five years! A giant weight lifted off my shoulders at that thought, because the Questura is hands down my least favorite Italian place to visit. It’s a soul sucking and mind bending experience that is only worth it because at the end you get the thing you most desire….permission to stay in Italy.

I dreaded 2017’s arrival because it meant going back to the paperwork of applying for my Permesso di Soggiorno. I remembered five years ago I was given a single piece of paper and was completely astounded that permission to stay with a spouse required less paperwork than the ½” stack for a one year study. I was fooled, of course, because they asked for more (see post from that experience here, I won’t bore you with recapping the whole thing) and we scrambled to get those papers from one government entity to another in a timely manner. I was legitimately freaking out over re-applying because even with all their schedules and footnoted directions it’s always difficult filling out paperwork in Italian. I’m not always sure about what they’re asking or if I’m answering correctly and so many of the questions sound very ambiguous till I ask an Italian and they tell me what they think it means and I’m seriously surprised that I didn’t even consider their answer a possibility.

It’s also important to start the paperwork early, like waaaay before the expiration date, several months at least in order to give the government time to do whatever it is they do to make sure you’re legit before printing your piece of paper, stapling your picture onto it and hermetically sealing it together with clear mailing tape. I had further motivation to get things done quickly and properly as we’re hoping to travel outside the EU this year and I need my Permesso to get back in.

I did a little research online about renewing my Permesso. It seems that many rules changed in 2016 and I wasn’t sure what the consequences would be for me. I even read blogs about those with work or just the funds to stay in Italy and it seemed that it would be more difficult with more paper and that didn’t ease my mind one bit. Which only freaked me out more. I was practically hyperventilating for days thinking about how to get the paperwork needed to get my new Permesso. I can’t even remember what prompted me to take out my Permesso and really read it but when I did I was both astonished and embarrassed.

Good Lord. For five years I’ve worried on and off about the prospect of renewing my Permesso. Sweated over the myriad ways I might find all the right pieces of paper that said all the right things so I could get the magical stamp of approval from Italy. Had myself convinced that at any moment Italy might decide it didn’t want me anymore and I’d be summarily escorted to the border, kissed on both cheeks and sent into a land more foreign to me than Italy to try and find shelter. Like France or Switzerland. Possibly Austria. Or Croatia, where I could drown my sorrows in slivovitz. I mean I really really worried about this.

All this time I thought I had this temporary permission to stay, something that I had to prove over and over again, always with the possibility that I’d say the exact wrong thing or present the wrong piece of paper to an Italian official having a bad day and the above scenario would unfold before I had time to pack.

The truth is I have a Carta di Soggiorno, which is a whole different animal from the Permesso. How is it different? Well, the Permesso, as I’ve said, has to be renewed and reviewed on a frequent basis and is always vulnerable to refusal. A Carta di Soggiorno has no expiration date. But every five years, whether to keep track of foreigners or to ensure a healthy income from fees, I have to update my photo. How did I miss this subtle yet important difference? Well, when I finally got my paperwork at the Questura five years ago I was so stunned and thrilled and afraid of losing it or something equally disastrous that I ran home with it, read it through once (thereby discovering I could pack it in mothballs for five years) and tucked it into a plastic sheet protector which I filed away in the place I put everything I don’t want to lose. I never thought to sit down and actually read it, even when my Italian reached a point where I might actually comprehend some of what it said. But when I was reading all the horror stories of others trying to renew their Permesso, I decided to read it again. Right at the top, in giant how-the-hell-did-I-miss-that letters it clearly reads Carta di Soggiorno. Five years of anticipatory stress for nothing. Argh.

Oh, I still have to fill out the stressfully worded paperwork and pay those fees at the Poste Italiane to a postal worker who really doesn’t want to answer any questions about why the fees are suddenly twice as much as I thought they should be. I’ll still stress about whether or not they’ll actually renew what is essentially permission to stay permanently without the need for review because I’ll still have to visit the Questura where uncertainty and hopelessness have permeated the walls. No one leaves happy, even when they get exactly what they came for.

I did get the first part done: paperwork filled out, the correct Marco di Bollo (tax stamp) affixed in the correct place, and the short but sweet conversation with the postal worker who shoved my paperwork back at me and said if I had questions get them answered by someone else to which I thought “Oh hell no” and paid the damn fees. She then handed me my appointment slip for the Questura.

Now I did all this quite early, I thought. We aren’t traveling until August and my picture on the paperwork with no expiration date is good till the end of May. Imagine our surprise (you didn’t think I went through this alone, did you? Of course, I brought Leif along) when we realized my appointment is for August, more than week after we fly out of Italy. Apparently the timeline has changed in the last five years. Instead of a couple of months lead time we should have planned on six months lead time. The only good news is that I can reenter Europe with my receipt and if past experience is any indicator my paperwork won’t be ready on time. In fact, it might not be ready when I come back six weeks later. Then again, because the universe loves to play with me, this time everything will work perfectly and my paperwork will be ready and waiting for me at 9:29am on 7 August. I just hope it'll still be there when I do finally get back into Italy.

Life goes on...

The elections are over....thank the universe for that. What happens now will be important to everyone and while we fight the good fight (whichever side you may align yourself with) life still goes on. Stomachs must be filled, bills paid, decisions big and small made, etc. With that in mind (and the fact that I've neglected writing here for far too long) it's time to share the utterly mundane story of changing apartments here in Florence.

After five lease-less years in an apartment that was large at 75 sq meters and boasted an actual space to store things, we decided to move. This wasn't a decision taken lightly or quickly. We watched our former apartment disintegrate around us. A leak in the roof, unacknowledged and in fact denied by our landlord, caused the ceiling to begin to fall in the kitchen and hallway. The few electrical outlets that worked became tenuous in their connections. We flushed our toilet with a bucket because the inner workings had become so old that the water ran constantly so we just turned it off. The boiler for the radiator was declared too old at its last inspection and would have to be replaced. No window or door except for the door into the apartment latched properly certainly putting pressure on the already old boiler as it struggled to heat the constant flow of outside air. In fact, we had to pile everything heavy we owned in front of the terrace doors to keep them closed when the wind was strong because the latch was broken. Right before we left the water heater started dripping....I couldn't imagine a winter without heat or hot water.

So we started looking for a new place to live. Still in Florence because our work requires access to transportation and tourists but closer to the south side where most of our riding and working happens. I'd look around in English language sites for adverts, call or email and discover that as soon as the ad was placed it was rented. Argh! Finally I called early enough to get a chance to actually view an apartment. We were one of the first to see  it and because he had a week filled with appointments to see the apartment we decided to take it that same night. And because I'm certifiably insane at times we placed our move in date a week later.

We had to give notice at our old place (don't laugh and say why...we're built that way) so we had a month to move between the two places. A month while I was still working full time at the apprenticeship to decide what to throw and what to keep and how to move it all. The new place is smaller by 20 sq meters so everything couldn't come with us.

Our rather fabulous new landlord helped us with his van a couple of times to move the big stuff. Everything else we moved by bike. Every day during the month of May both Leif and I made multiple trips across town filling bags and banana boxes, the do-it-yourself-movers box of choice.

That's right. Several times each day we would ride across town to the old apartment to pack up the next load. I would fill my 33 liter back pack with more than 33 liters of probably breakable stuff as my body cushioned the potholes. Depending on what we were moving I'd strap a banana box down to the rear rack on my bike and toss something usually too big into my rapidly disintegrating front basket. Sometimes I'd use a giant blue IKEA bag instead of a banana box because I could get more clothes into it. Leif would fill both panniers and balance a banana box on top of those while carrying his backpack too. Then we would start, slowly, across town. Half the trip happened on city streets, the other half on a disconnected series of bike lanes dodging pedestrians and cross traffic to arrive home. We rode along the Arno and bounced past the Uffizzi and Ponte Vecchio (cobblestones, wow) before crossing the river into the San Frediano section of town. I went head to head with taxis, other cyclists, scooter drivers, horse-drawn carriages and tourists who refused to allow an obviously overloaded, precariously balanced middle-aged woman on a POS bike to pass.

Repeat until your butt hurts, your back hurts, your knees hurt and the bike starts rattling too loudly to ignore. Then do it some more. And Leif did this twice as much as I did because he had some full days off that all he did was ride between the two places loaded down with stuff. He's the true hero of this story.

If you're going to ask my why, and that is what I answer with this blog as much as possible, my answer is that we have made the conscious choice to live as much as possible without a car. While friends and family shook their heads and laughed at us for taking, in their opinions, the hard way to move, we were taking the only option available to us. And face it, if we moved like everyone else there'd be no story to tell, would there?

Taking my life back

A couple of days ago I quit my apprenticeship. It was hard; I had poured so much of myself into it in the last seven months. Too much, in fact. Instead of enhancing our lives by providing a steady income it obliterated every other facet of my life. No rides with Leif, no painting, no writing (you probably noticed that) and no contact with friends.

For the first months I accepted this as normal. Basically giving my life over to another person or corporation and accepting their value of my time and talents is the very bedrock of the “steady job” as I experienced it in Minnesota. In exchange for X amount of dollars I willingly chained myself to a desk, accepted someone else's evaluation of my skills and personality and took time off only when it was approved. I wasn't surprised by it or bothered so much because, as I understood it, this was just the way things worked. This apprenticeship started the same way, which six years ago wouldn't have made me blink.

The difference is that I'm not in Minnesota anymore. I moved 4755 miles to create and experience a different kind of lifestyle. It was happening: I was training to be a cycle tour guide and learning how to help Leif manage the business better so we could live life on our own terms. I was seduced by the money and didn't anticipate the total destruction of the life I'd worked so hard to create.

No. I'm not being dramatic. I ate, drank and slept cake. For a time my sense of self was centered around this job and the unfortunate part is that I did it for free. I bought into someone else's dream for potential income and security. And then I began to accept someone else's valuation of my skills and personality. (that's right, my personality apparently needed work too) I think you can guess how things went. We can never live up to the expectations of someone else and that ate at me so much that I started losing weight, losing my hair and losing sleep.

At first I thought it was my fault, which only made matters worse. Then one day I sat myself down and thought hard...not about how I could do the job better, be a different person, whatever....but if what the job was expecting was realistic. If it fit into the lifestyle I had been working towards pre-cake making. The answer was no, and the relief that I felt when I recognized that was physical.

I didn't move 4755 miles from everything I knew and everyone I loved to have the same life I had in Minnesota. I moved here not just to live differently, but to be different. I don't want to live my life at top speed desperately trying to fulfill some one else's expectations at rock bottom prices. If I must work for a dream then by all means it should be my own. And so I'll go back to my bike riding, painting, writing, nap taking (I did miss those...), spending time with Leif and friends kind of life.

And so next week I start working for myself again. It feels good.

Workin' for a livin'

Anyone who has followed my life over the last five years has probably wondered "And just what the heck does she do all day?" Some days I wonder the same thing.

My stock answer, until a week ago, was "As little as possible," usually said in a half wistful, half boastful kind of way. Because yes, it's great to have all kinds of free time to pursue any idea that sparks your mind. I've had the chance to learn to ride a road bike. I've wallowed in my art. I've babysat. I've dogsat (is that a word?). I've taught English (a real English teacher would know if dogsat was a word).  I've attempted yoga.

I learned some valuable lessons. I learned that as cute and loveable as kids and dogs are, they are expert at pushing my buttons. Buttons I prefer to leave unpushed at this time. Being able to speak English like a native does not make me a passionate teacher of language. Yoga, well...let's just not go there. I'm incapable of attaining, much less holding, the pretzel position for any length of time. Which leaves the two things I really, really do feel passionate about. Cycling and art. Two jobs that only the extremely talented can really make a living at. So for the longest time I've been content to pursue the things I enjoy and practiced patience in waiting for that thing to come along.

Being able to contribute  to the household is important to me, and while all the stuff I do isn't exactly nothing, I still have always felt a little like I'm taking advantage. Like I'm making Leif do all the work while I lollygag around the apartment eating bonbons and reading trashy magazines. (By the way that's not true. I seem to have lost my craving for chocolate, and the last time I picked up a People Magazine I didn't recognize a single name or face. I'm rather proud of that.) So I do always keep my eyes open for opportunities.

I found one such opportunity on the Facebook page of a creative group I belong to. A group I wouldn't have belonged to three years ago because I hadn't really embraced my artistry yet. After several email exchanges, one phone call, one face to face interview and one full day interview/audition I have exciting news. I have a job! Well, let me rephrase that a little.

I'm participating in the centuries old, time honored tradition of apprenticeship. Appropriate, I think, to be doing this in Italy, where hand craft and hand made are still respected skills. The great masters have always had apprentices. I am so excited that I was one of two people chosen to begin training with one of the top wedding cake designers in Italy, Melanie Secciani of Tuscan Wedding Cakes. Like the great masters, she's pretty much going to share everything that she knows about her business with us, teach us the basic skills, then turn around and ask us "Now what will you do with all this information? What's your interpretation of the things I taught you?"

This job (because one day I will cease to be an apprentice and become an employee) is the perfect blend of art and food. Making something beautiful that pleases not just the eye, but also the mouth. Creating something that takes the breath away even as it fills the heart with memories. I've waited a long time for this thing to come along. This thing that I can throw myself into fully and probably become slightly obsessed with. I'm so ready for this.

My least favorite topic in the world: Politics

4 years ago

I cringe every time I sit down with one of my Italian friend because lately the one question they always ask me is what I think about the political situation in the US. Then they go on to cite a European newspaper or news program that has reported on some aspect of the election or the latest stupidity to come out of someone's mouth.

They want to know what I think. They believe so easily what they hear from what they view as reputable sources and want to use me as a kind of fact checking resource for their next conversation with their friends. They know what politics is here in Italy. They want to hear that it's different in the US. That our choices are broader and less mired in back-room negotiations. They don't want to believe most of what they are hearing about the presidential candidates. I don't want to believe that they say and do the things they say and do. Most days to me the political news sounds like a poorly written soap opera, and badly acted as well.

I don't have the words in Italian, I practically don't have them in English, to explain how to view the political landscape in the United States. Because as much as we'd like to believe that we are different, that our struggles for democracy have somehow made us immune to the problems that other countries experience, the truth is that we aren't.

We throw democracy around us like a magic cloak and pretend that the things that are happening can't be seen and certainly can't be felt because they are part of the democratic process. During an election year we say and do things that we would consider the height of poor taste and crude behavior in any other year and chalk it up to political fervor as if that should excuse everything and anything.

The truth is, there is no truth in politics. Every word that we hear and read, every word that we speak ourselves is delivered with a political, commercial, corporate or personal agenda. The truth is there is no one neutral enough to deliver a fair estimation of the candidates in this election.

Today, 4 years later. Nothing has changed, except that the players are even more outrageous, the non-partisan reporting even more partisan, and the public even more confused than in the previous election. World events have muddied the political waters even more by throwing fear into the equation. My heart aches for everyone.