Friday, September 16, 2011


Breaking news!!! After months of being pretty much shunned by the Elderly Ladies of the Blessed Esselunga (my supermarket of choice, because it's close) one of those adorable older ladies spoke directly to me today.

This is  BIG.

Typically they will cross to the other side of the aisle if they see me coming, clutching their purses tightly to their chests and squinting up at me in what I'm certain is the modern version of the legendary "Evil Eye". If I surprise one coming around a corner they get this terrified look on their face, throw their hands up in the air and back up as quickly as an eighty-year-old woman can. They don't actually shriek, because it's a public place, but they sure look like they want to. Standing next to me in the checkout lane appears to be torture for them. They kinda twitch. Their eyes are always darting from one line to the next, hoping to find another lane moving slightly quicker and offering them the chance to move away from me. If they drop something and I pick it up for them, they take it (almost between two fingers) and seriously look like they are considering telling the cashier that they don't want the item anymore. It's tainted; it's been touched by a foreigner.

If only I were as dangerous as they make me out to be. Maybe I am, if occasionally riding without my helmet makes me dangerous. Or running with scissors.

Today one of those tiny white haired ladies smiled up at me and asked me to hand her a carton of yogurt that she couldn't reach. Me. When there were plenty of tall(ish) Italians standing right next to her. Then she said thank you and went on her way, without sanitizing the carton or anything.

Those of you thinking she's either blind or senile can just keep it to yourself. Don't harsh my buzz, people. I feel good.

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